Hot off the pan:

A Mundane UFO Trip


Hana descended the ship closer and closer. The intelligent earthlings seemed to sleep at night, so now was his chance. He snuck down, down, down. He started to pick up "radio", a form of human communication. He didn't understand much of it, but he was fairly sure they ought to be sleeping. He opened up the AI translator. "-clear skies. There's a crash on the I-95, so Philadelphians, beware traffic. It's a late night. Here are some jazzy jams for you guys on the night shift. Signing off, Dave Rodney". Damn it.
But Hana was on a deadline, so he slowly brought himself just over the surface. A very quiet road, in the middle of a deserted area, with a single, desolate vehicle. He only meant to snag a few chlorophyll-producing life forms, a large mammaloid, maybe a little reptilian. Harmless, right? He set on the beam and started sucking. Then he heard yelling. Fearing the worst, he turned to the collection tube. An intelligent got in?! "Bio-scan!" "Intelligent, tall, interprets light and sound for communication. Adolescent, about 15 Earth years old, or 13 Brazic years. Male Type." The guy was freaking out. Hana flipped through the protocol book. "Section 230, no spacenet provider shall be treated as- no, no, no, Section 822, in the event of accidental obtainment of an intelligent, do not return to home planet unless there is an established diplomatic relationship. Bring the intelligent to the Brazic court on the moon Lethos to await trial and decisions from higher officials."
He turned on the AI translator.
"I'm Hana, researcher of the Brazica Galactic Pact. Unfortunately, it seems I uh, captured you."
"Well, dipshit, I'm Rafael Muñoz, and you need to let me go. What are you trying to do here? Bet you're really some gross, sweaty old geezer that just lost his sad corporate job, is stuck with a wife who is cold to him and never worked it the way she used to, and is overcompensating for his lameness and tinyness in certain areas by putting me on some weird drugs and trying to do some whack shit."
"There are no droogs or whatever. And I'm only 17 in Brazic years. Though I guess for you, that would be 19 Earth years."
"Oh, so you're a frat bro, the obnoxious type who can't shut up, and you're high as balls. Wonderful. Just great."
"I'm seriously NOT an Earthling intelligent."
"Obviously, you're a stupid 'Earthling'."
Hana facepalmed. Why were adolescents of any species so... so... aggravating! He peeked out. Muñoz paced around the collection chamber, yelling at the walls and the large mammaloid.
"Look, this is real, and there is literally no getting you back out because bureaucracy and weird stuff. So you're stuck here, along with my Earth samples. Here's the protocol book, it's in Hyvien, but it'll auto translate for you. Now hold on, because we are going to lift off."
The spaceship jittered, then, WHOOSH! They glided up into space. Rafael sputtered. "W-What? You're actually-"
Hana said, "Yes. Now take a look at Section 822."
Rafael started screaming. "What?! No, but... but... you're green! How?"
He sighed. "We'll get court proceedings through as soon as possible. It's gonna be a few Earth hours until we can warp to Lethos. I've got a physics textbook, since you aren't in school right now."
Rafael groaned. "Firstly, it's a Friday night. Secondly, I don't study. I just procrastinate my homework until the last minute."
"Well that's what I got. And anyways, what are you going to do without study? Very important."
"Make food."
"But what about being a healer, or an engineer?"
"You sound like my mom."
He set the ship on autopilot and trudged over to the samples. "Small reptillian, has legs. Quite confounding. Eats insectoids. DNA scan!" He looked at Rafael. In your language, what shall I call it?
"It's a lizard."
"Oh. My mouth can't say that so I'll just call it a lizh."
They drove in silence.
Almost an hour later, Hana asked,"So, what were you doing so late? I thought humans slept at that time?"
Rafael wriggled around.
"Well... Uh... I was, uh..., you see, there was a homecoming after party, which may have had some, some, alcohol, just a teensy sip! and...police... his dad came home... "
Hana was confused. He bioscanned again. Alcohol. Impairing device for earthlings. He face palmed.
"Do you have any idea how dangerous that was? Thank goodness that road was empty! How impaired are you right now?"
Rafael glared. "Well you're not my mother, so stop lecturing me. I just have a nasty headache and I'm dizzy."
"This is bad. This is bad, bad, bad. If you are too impaired, then the court may not allow you to be returned to Earth. How long ago did you start to go home? How much did you drink?"
"A can of beer, and some punch that was probs spiked. Then I started back at... eleven... thirty? Wait, I was on the road, for... 3 hours??"
"YES! You must be better right now but, argh! You were accusing me of being impaired! Hypocrite! We need a lawyer. And YOU need to get rid of this!"
"Well you're the one who sucked me up here! Stop trying to act like my Mother! You're not that woman!"
"You're more irresponsible."
"No, you!"
Hana grumbled. That asteroid field was approaching. You know what? Mr Irresponsible could know some good driving and see why he got into the Brazic Ship Force. He revved up.
"Sit tight, this will be wild!" He blasted forward at full speed. Twisting and turning and looping. Weaving his way through space. It was relaxing. Getting into the Official Comandeer's Academy. Graduating with honours. It showed. Slowly everything faded away until it was just Hana, the ship, and the asteroids. They reached Jupiter at a rolling stop.
"How was that for "responsible driver"?"
Rafael let out a grunt of acknowledgement.
Hana went back on autopilot and called up Jani. "So, this guy needs your lawyer skills."
"Fine, dude. But you have to be more responsible."
Little sisters. Yeesh. Rafael sniggered.
They talked about boring law stuff. Again, this was why he went to the Academy.
"Well you're gonna be in a hot spot, probably detained for anywhere from a few days to a few years. Hana, you'll probs get a small fine, maybe an order from your superior to scrub toilets or something. Also Mom says you have to come for family dinner. Byeeee!
The rest of the ride was uneventful. They reached the warp point and got to Lethos. Rafael gasped.
"What?", Hana asked.
"I don't recognise any of these constellations. Pretty..."
Hana paused. He never really thought about it. He supposed Rafael was right. The stars were pretty beautiful.
The trial started. The judge and jury seemed to be glaring, almost. Staring into their souls. Gulp. Commander Hana XAe, you were irresponsible. What do you have to say for yourself?
"The beam was a bit janky... could use a better design? Sorry. It won't happen again."
The judge wrote his notes.
"Rafael Domingeck-"
"Dominguez."
"Rafael Dominguez, does your planet wish to war with the alliance? Is it aggressive? What are its capabilities? Also, you stated you were driving impaired. Care to comment on that?"
Rafael sniggered. "Capabilities? We're barely functional! Insert reader's political opinion! Have you seen the crazy climate change and corruption? Warring with eachother? Insert reader's other political opinion! What? Anyways,trust me, Earth would need like a million years to sort itself out. And yes, I was impaired."
"Hm... The jury shall send their thoughts."
A graph appeared on the holoscreen. 22% None are guilty. 15% Hana XAeis guilty. 11% The human must be contained. 1% The human is guilty. 51% Both must be dealt with. The judged raised his tentacle. "The jury has spoken. 3 weeks of containment for the human. General Carv: an appropriate punishment for the Commander?"
A gruff looking, irritated alien man stepped up. That was the General. Hana gulped. He remembered Basic Training a little too well.
"While Dominguez is in containment, our Commander will be on cleaning duty at the base, making up for his mistakes." Carv glared.
"Oh- uh... yes, sir!"
They stood in silence for a few seconds.
"Well, to the base! Both of you!"
In unison, they squeaked, "Yes, Sir!"

WHAT SHALL HAPPEN IN THESE THREE MUNDANE WEEKS? TUNE IN LATER TO FIND OUT!
(No they don't really look like this, it's just a doodle.)

Our alien boizzzzz Menu: Home Archive

This site is heavily under construction

page under construction Dyslexia-Friendly version 🛠🛠🛠UNDER CONSTRUCTION🛠🛠🛠